Where has my faith gone?

After a super hormonal, emotional, tiring year, and with ALL that took place (having a baby, moving, WOCS, traveling), Sean and I sit down to start reading the Bible, and I realize half way through that I'm oddly skeptical. Seven days? Really? He opened Adam's flesh, and literally took a rib out? Then what? His flesh was just magically healed? I know those questions sound silly, but that's what was running through my head as we read through the first couple chapters of Genesis. We had to stop and talk about it. Why do I feel like this? This is the BIBLE. God's Holy Word. I have read the story of creation a hundred times. Why am I doubting it now?
I realize the answer to this is very real, and very sad. I have lost my faith. Sure, I believe in God. I love Him. I want to serve Him. I am a "good person", and I call myself a Christian; I even act Christlike sometimes. But I had this sudden realization that I have never really had my own personal faith and connection with the Lord since entering adulthood.

Oddly enough, as I'm having this realization this week, one of my best friend's posts her testimony of how the Lord has changed her life and she feels that He has completely changed her, and she knows it's only through Him; she has faith. I see her post, and think to myself, "wow. this is beautiful." I was so incredibly happy for her, and proud that she has given herself to the Lord. But what about me? Since I got married at 19, and have been living a relatively sinful, definitely worldly, life since then, I've had a hard time holding onto the faith that I once had as a teenager. Where has my faith gone? I've become so complacent. I really do feel empty, and emotionless about the Lord.

I realized this quickly, and started thinking HOW am I going to find my faith again? How am I going to do it? Where do I start? I even prayed quickly about how I've lost it. "I'm sorry, Lord. I just don't feel the same about you anymore. What am I going to do?". Never once did I ask for help or even think about needing His help to do that!

Today was rough. Sean left yesterday morning for a detail in Norhtern Alabama, and Annabelle has been clinging to me for the past two days, she hasn't been napping, and I've been feeling so horrible and guilty about letting her cry (scream/screach) her way to sleep. So, tonight as I was putting her to bed, I thought in my head, "wow, God....you aren't even helping me. I don't want to feel so guilty about putting her to bed. I just want her to sleep peacefully. Can you help me with just that ONE request?" As if He has never done anything for me before. I'm so ungrateful :( Even after I said that little prayer, I didn't really think He was going to help me at all. Annabelle was still wide awake, eyes open, playing with her teeth and face. It was getting close to 9pm (an hour past her bedtime), so I just decided I'd have to let her cry again, and go on feeling bad about it. So, I layed her down, and she just looked at me, rolled over onto her belly and quietly went to sleep. The exact opposite of what has been happening for the last two days.

Wow. I walked out in tears, as I had this overwhelming feeling about how God had just listened to me, and basically just put me in my place. He IS with me, He DOES care, and He WANTS to help me find him and fall in love with Him again.

Amazing.

I won't say that I am bursting with joy or emotion about this, but it was a REAL connection that I felt with Him. And I  walked away so thankful for that moment. So, I guess that's a start.I pray that He continues to show himself to me, and I will continue searching and believing that He is real and with me and loves me.