First week

I have a lot of random thoughts about this first week (+a few days) home with baby. This is going to be a pretty boring post for anyone to read, but I just want to record my thoughts/feelings while I'm going through them, so I don't forget.

I'm so glad my mom was here for the first week. First of all, she was extremely helpful. But, even more than that, she also just made me feel a little more confident about being a new mommy. Idk...it wasn't really anything specific she did or said, but just having her here made me feel a lot better about.

The first couple days, I was completely exhausted and pretty emotional. Now, as long as our night goes relatively well (and especially when Sean gets up to change her several times, so I just have to feed her), I feel much better during the day. But one thing that still hasn't changed, and I don't know if it ever will, is how I get emotional sometimes when I look at her. Last night I was rocking her and singing, and I couldn't even get through the song because I was crying so much lol She just makes me so happy.

I question myself a lot. Like, "am I doing all I can to parent right now?"...I mean...it's pretty simple at this point; feed her, change her, bathe her and love her. But I still question myself. Not excessively...I'm sure every first time parent does this to a certain extent...I just want to enjoy these first days and weeks of her sweet little life, but I don't want to miss the opportunity to do something. Like what? You may ask. And I'm not really sure. I feel like this is coming pretty naturally to both Sean and I, but ya...I don't know. I really want to do this "right".

I think I'm learning quickly that it's okay to set her down in the swing, boppy, or bassinet and take care of myself for a little bit. It was different when my mom was here, I didn't feel bad about setting her down because grandma was there to hold her. But after she left I felt like I was being a bad mom by putting her down. Yes, Sean is here to hold her too, but I don't think he gets that same guilty feeling. He knows as long as she is taken care of, she is happy. But I am sort of inclined to do nothing except hold her. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but she sleeps most of the time anyway, so there's nothing wrong with putting her down and getting some things done....even if it's just a long shower or filing my nails. Right? I wonder how other moms feel about this. I started out by saying I'm learning quickly, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I still can hardly walk out of room that she's in (even though she's sleeping soundly in a safe place). But I just think I'm realizing quickly that it is okay and it's still important to not forget about being me. For instance, it bugs me if the kitchen isn't cleaned, or if there is laundry all over our room. My mom basically kept up all of that while she was here, but it gets messy quickly.... So today, after I fed her, I spent an hour tidying up the house while she hung out with daddy on  the couch. It isn't even a big deal, but I felt so much better after I did it!

Also, I  have this weird feeling like I shouldn't have time for things like blogging, or any projects, or cleaning, or extra grooming (i.e. nails). Like, if I have time to be doing those things than I'm not doing enough with Annabelle. Why should I feel that way though? I am doing enough, and I have a little extra time....I should be able to do whatever I feel needs to be done with that time, right? It's like I feel like, since I'm mom now I shouldn't have time for anything else. Idk..kind of hard to explain. But i'm trying to get over it and just do...whatever it is I want or feel like I need to do. I do need to rest. They say it's best to sleep when baby sleeps for the first couple weeks, but I don't need that much sleep. As long as I get about 6 hours at night (broken up by all the feedings of course) and a nap during the day, I feel pretty good.

I have lost almost 20 of the pounds I gained during pregnancy (a total of 43), and I feel pretty great about the way I look, which is good. I think the post pregnancy body could really make some women upset. I feel pretty fortunate. I will feel so much better when I can wear some of my old clothes. I'm already banking on not going back to the size I was....pretty sure my hips will never be the same. But I had some bigger sizes that I would like to be able to wear again. Mostly because I'm sick of wearing these maternity clothes (and sweats) that I've been wearing for the last 5 months.

Annabelle is eating about every 2 1/2-3 1/2 hours. She's a good eater, and I think she's gaining some good weight. Her face, arms and legs are starting to get little baby rolls on them. She usually is awake for a little bit after she eats, which is kind of odd and during the night it can get frustrating. Sometimes I have to feed her, let her take a little 5-10 minute break and then feed her again to get her back to sleep. The lactation consultant said that was a good way to feed, so I'll stick to it for a while when she needs it. She only fusses when she's hungry or has a dirty diaper. When she sleeps, she makes tons of little noises. Everything from a very faint, squeaky sounding snore, to basically letting out a couple cries. So, it's been an adjustment sleeping next to her! The first couple nights, I got up to check on her like every time she made a noise. Now, I basically have to ignore all her sounds unless she's REALLY stirring, or she cries (more than once). Usually I wake up about every 3 hours anyway, so it works out pretty well. Still adjusting, but I think it's going well. Other things about Annabelle: she loves to have her hands by her face; she pretty much always sleeps with her head facing to the right, and she scoots to the right edge of her bassinet every time we lay her in there; she makes the cutest faces; she does surprisingly well getting a bath, I think she really enjoys it...for about 5 minutes, or until she gets cold-it will be easier when we can actually put her in water, rather than just splashing it on her; she loves to snuggle, especially laying ontop of your chest; when she's awake, she does little involuntary smiles and giggles all day long that you can't help but smile back at...they are SO cute. She fits perfectly into Newborn size diapers and clothes. Unfortunately we stocked up on very little of both lol But, she spends the whole night and some days in a night gown (the ones with the open bottoms). They are SO useful!

I can't wait to get out, go walking, and start exercising again! I know it's about time that I could start walking, and I could definitely get out of the house, but generally i think it would be better to rest than to go, you know? Maybe this next week I'll do a few things out of the house :) Definitely will take a walk as soon as the weather clears up!

Things I heard or read that are really true:
-Have someone lined up to cook for you/make meals ahead of time for the first week (or longer).
-Make sure to have several nursing bras
-Stock up on nightgowns and sleepers, especially the zip -up sleepers!
-Stay hydrated! Especially while breastfeeding....I get SO thirsty so quickly. I drink probably twice as much water now than before.

Well, that's about it for right now. Although, I may add some more later as the thoughts pop into my head.