Getting my life in order...

A lot of people look at me like I'm crazy when I say I recently quit my job. Some look at me, nod their head with an "ya...spoiled and dumb at 20-something". Others completely understand. Or maybe this is just the impression I'm getting. Regardless, I feel like I need to further explain myself.

August to December was my fall term at GPC. It was also the first 4+  months of school at CCS, and I began teaching full-time as a K4 Assistant. That term, I was only taking 3 classes at GPC, and only one of them was online (which is a whole other blog, but depending on the class is much more difficult for me). Anyway, I was working 7-3:30, and at school from 4-8:30 twice a week, and the other two days I was doing homework for those classes or working on my online class. It was a lot, and I felt like I didn't have much time for anything else. At the time, that was a good thing. The first three months of Sean being gone went by really quickly. I finished out the term in December with significantly better grades than in past terms. I was very proud of myself.

But, in order to complete my associates (and I have a hard time holding back my feeling of incredible relief (and partial embarrassment) in finishing something that should have taken me two years, but has taken me FIVE), I needed to take more than three classes spring term, take several during Summer2011 and finish up and get my degree after Fall2011.  

Well, I began the spring term in January taking four classes. Only one more than last term.....should be easy, right? No. Several of my classes were cancelled and I was re-assigned two new classes that I had to take online due to my schedule. So, now I was at three online classes and one on-campus class. Which means, after I get home from work M/W/F I am suppose to sit down and focus for 4-6 hours on these online courses. That MAY sound easy to some of you, but to me it is absolutely painful! *lol* When I get home from work I want to clean up the house,  go to the gym, and then eat dinner. By 8 o'clock I cannot focus on reading an entire chapter, let alone 2-3 chapters in each class, to save my life.

During this same time, it became increasingly difficult for Sean and I to talk (due to both of our busy schedules), my good friend Amy and her family (Army) were PCSing to Colorado, and I had not seen my best friend Kayla and her new baby more than twice in a long time, I would go a week without doing laundry, cleaning or making a healthy meal (which in turn pushed me to eat out A LOT more) and I wasn't able to include the gym or any sort of exercise in my routine more than once or twice a week, IF THAT!  Ah....the balance of work, school, personal, and social life. No, I had not figured it out. Everything began stressing me out and I was more emotionally down than ever. Honestly, that is just not a good feeling or place to be.

I started thinking of how I could accomplish some of these things while continuing to attempt good grades in school. OH! School! I got so caught up in trying to "fix" or improve all those other areas in my life that I started performing poorly in school. I quickly came to the conclusion that if I were to maintain my sanity while keeping up my grades in school, I was going to need a change. So, I decided to quit my job at CCS. Obviously, the reason I gave was to focus on school. That is very VERY true, don't get me wrong. But, I also just needed a better balance in my life, and cutting back hours at work or switching my schedule was not a possibility for my position (or school schedule).

I wasn't sure how Sean would take this.....I did, obviously, talk to him about it before I decided. And I waited a week before I even made up my mind and put in my notice. I was also unsure of how any of my family would take this. In fact, I still don't really know how they have taken it. I mean, I know they support me, but I get the feeling from several of them that they disagree with what I've done, and think that maybe I was being dramatic (or something).

Dramatic? Ya, I can think of a few people who probably think I'm being dramatic and know that I am capable of all of this. BUT, they have not seen me in a house by myself for weeks  months on end. It causes more emotional stress than many of them can imagine. So, yes I do understand that this was not a life or death decision and I could have continued on and possibly been fine, but I was not happy or satisfied with my life at all. Isn't that what life is all about? :) Something I have learned from being an Army wife is that you need a good social life. You don't have your family to fall back on when something goes wrong, or when you need someone to spend the day with. You don't have your husband there every month of the year. Nothing against any other civilian wife, but military wives have to make a greater effort in a lot of areas; we have to find a way to be happy while knowing that things can change at any second. Our world is turned upside down on the regs. It's something we must learn to deal with, accept and learn to love. So, for all of you haters, I do work hard, but I play hard too. I feel it to be an essential part of my overall happiness. Maybe I will grow out of it one day? I'm not sure, but I hope not.

Anyway, I have chosen to not really care or focus on what anyone else may think, because this decision has been completely beneficial for me. I am so much happier now. Although, I have to say there are two major downsides to not working [besides, of course, not having a paycheck every two weeks]. The first is that I tend to procrastinate more because I think "oh I could do this on Wednesday" which turns into Friday, which turns into "oh, shit it's Sunday and I need to turn this in!" *lol* But, at least during those times of procrastination I am generally being productive in other areas like cleaning the house, exercising or spending a day with a friend. The other downside is that the days go by significantly slower. If I am having a bad day, I don't have my kids to make me laugh, or the every day schedule at work to distract me. But, overall....I am very happy with my decision.

*I am making better grades.
*I started taking another class two weeks ago (a speech class that would have been difficult to take once in SC, online). This also means that I will only need to take two classes this summer, instead of 3-4, and will easily be able to finish up next fall!
*I have begun to practice a more healthy lifestyle (hello insanely awesome 5K! :)
*Thinking about moving doesn't cause a near panic attack....it's okay, I have time.
*I've been able to do a lot more research on South Carolina, Shaw AFB, and others that give me a sense of control and peace about the upcoming months in my life.
*I have connected with AF Wives at Shaw already, and look forward to meeting them soon!
*Going out with friends doesn't mean missing an assignment or falling behind in school.
*Learning and being able to cook more healthy meals is not a burden. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy it!
 *Maybe I want to take a drive to the beach next weekend with a girlfriend. No problem! Just got to get my school work done before Friday and I'm set!
*I have a lot going on, but I still feel like I have time for me. I can polish my nails, play the piano, and work on some scrapbooks (okay, I haven't quite got to that last one yet, but I do have time!)


This new order in my life is just what I needed. Of course there are things I still need to work on (like my aforementioned procrastination). I need to have a better sleep schedule. Yes, the idea of sleeping in until 10 may SOUND very appealing, but when it turns into 11, noon, afternoon......STOP! That is no good! I want to be up by 8 or 9 (I am proclaiming this as a goal). The reason I am not able to get up at, what I think is a decent time is because I turn into a night owl. It's easy for me to stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning on any given night. But, usually on those nights I am not filling my late hours with anything productive (generally I am watching TV), and what's the point of that!?

Anyway, I have had this on my mind a lot this week, but I am just starting to figure everything out and put it all together :) Just in time! Sean will be home in a little over three weeks!!!