You Might Be a Military Wife If....

• ...you can unpack a house and have everything in place in 48 hours.
• ...you string concertina wire to keep the neighbor's kids out of your flower beds.
• ...your husband's work and dress clothes cost more than yours do.
• ...you've changed more oil and mowed more lawns than your husband because he's never there to do it himself.
• ...you use a crook-neck flashlight with a red lens during power outages because it's the only one you can ever find in the house.
• ...your children say "hooah" or "roger that" instead of "ok".
• ...you know that it's normal to light shoe polish on fire and that the best way to spit-shine boots is with cotton balls.
• ...your husband does a route recon and takes a GPS for a trip to the mall.
• ...you only write in pencil because EVERYTHING is subject to change.
• ...you need a translator to talk to your civilian friends, because they have no idea what DFAS, AER, TDY, ACS, NPD, PCS, and ETS mean.
• ...you have a larger selection of curtains than Wal-Mart does.
• ...you can remember where you kept the Scotch tape in your last house, but unfortunately, not in this one.
• ...you mark time in duty stations, not years.
• ...you refer to friends not only by name but by the state that they live in.
• ...you know that "back home" doesn't mean at the house you live in now.
• ...you tear up when you hear "Proud to Be An American," even though you've heard it 50 times by now.
• ...you know that a 2 month separation IS short, no matter what your civilian friends say.
• ...you ALWAYS know when payday is and get ticked off if there are more than 2 weekends during that pay period.
• ...you know better than to go to the PX or commissary between 11:30 and 1:30 unless it's a life or death emergency.
• ...you show your military ID to the greeter at Wal-Mart.
• ...you know that any reference to "sand" or a "box" has nothing to do with your kid's backyard toys.
• ...you know that "Ft. Puke" is a completely accurate description of Ft. Polk.
• ...you find yourself explaining your husband's LES to him.
• ...you have enough camouflage in your house to wallpaper the White House.
• ...you don't have to think about what time 21:30 is.
• ...you've ever been referred to as "Household 6".
• ...you're the TC, not a backseat driver.
• ...you start ripping open MREs and looking for the M&Ms when you run out of Halloween candy.
• ...you can't remember the last time you saw a doctor who wasn't wearing BDUs.
• ...you've ever had a pet named Scout, Ranger or Sergeant.
• ...the local dry cleaner knows you by your first name.
• ...it only cost you $25 to have a child.
• ...you find that a large number of your clothes and household items are olive drab or loam, even though you never planned it that way.
• ...you pick apart uniforms on TV and in the movies, even though you used to yell at your husband for doing the same thing.
• ...you know what "pogey bait" is and which kinds everyone in your husband's platoon prefers.
• ...you wish you could go to CIF to DX your old stuff like your husband can.
• ...you've learned to sleep through the sounds of tanks, planes, helicopters and artillery simulators.
• ...you give your kids a hand receipt when they take your Tupperware to school.
• ...you can hate military life but be terrified to leave it all in the same breath.
• ...you defend your lifestyle no matter how bad things get because you know there's no other life for you! 

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